my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
only you would photoshop your dick
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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