this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
