Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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