did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
