I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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