All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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