He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
