Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
