Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
