My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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