if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
