i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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