people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
