You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
