I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
