Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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