I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
