well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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