i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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