she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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