Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
