oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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