They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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