'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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