yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
