You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
