My friends, they love my intelligence
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize