If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
