Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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