she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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