I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
