Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
