Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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