My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
