im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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