I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
