hotel room ftw
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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