She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
