i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
