I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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