I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
