Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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