Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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