Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
