I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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