I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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