Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
