I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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