I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
