omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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