You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
