i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
