Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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