On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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