Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
