I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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