remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
