i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
