i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
