My first STD was from a foam party
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
