just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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