4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
