He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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